Joke-of-the-Whenever, 9 January 2001.

Thank you to all who sent me these that I can post. And thanks for the others too. ;-)
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          The Tates Watch Company.

          Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce
          other products, and since they already made the cases for pocket watches,
          decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west.  

          It turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their
          compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather
          than California.  

          This, of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"
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          It's in the eyes.

          A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car.
          After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes
          are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"
          The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your
          eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
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           Great Restaurant

           Two senior couples are walking along, wives in front, husbands in
           back. Herb says to Sam, "Gee, we went to a new restaurant last night
           and had the best meal ever. Good prices too."

           Sam says, "Well, we like to eat out too. What was the name of the
           restaurant?"

           Herb says, "You'll going to have to help me out here a little. What's
           the name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, grows on a thorny bush?"
           Sam says, "How about rose?"

           "Yes, yes, that's it!" cries Herb, then calls ahead to his wife.
           "Rose. Hey, Rose. What was the name of the restaurant we ate at last night?"
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          Jesus the Programer.

          Jesus and Satan were having an argument as to who was the better programmer.
          This went on for a few hours until they agreed to hold a contest with God as 
          the judge. 

          They sat at their computers and began.

          They typed furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up on the screen.
          Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning struck, taking out
          the electricity.  Moments later, the power was restored, and God announced that the
          contest was over.  He asked Satan to show what he had come up with. Satan was visibly
          upset, and cried, "I have nothing!  I lost it all when the power went out."

          "Very well, then," God said, "Let us see if Jesus did any better."

          Jesus entered a command, and the screen came to life in vivid display, the voices of
          an angelic choir poured forth from the speakers. 

          Satan was astonished.  He stuttered, "But how?!  I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is
          intact!  How did he do it?"

          God chuckled, "Jesus saves"
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          Hunting dogs.

          A boy went to visit his farmer uncle.  For the first few days,
          the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens, pigs, crops...

          After three days, however, it was obvious the boy was getting
          bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with.

          Finally, the uncle had an idea.
          "Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?"

          This seemed to cheer the boy up, and with enthusiasm, off he went.

          After a few hours, he returned.
          "How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle.

          "It was great!" exclaimed the boy.  "Got any more dogs?"
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Check out my older jokes.